By Reese Burns
Ice cream is the superior food. There is chocolate ice cream, vanilla ice cream, and thousands of other flavors that leave you even more satisfied than the last. In a way, ice cream is like Superman. It has powers such as super strength, the ability to fly, and shoot lasers out of its eyes. Well not exactly. Ice cream is a favorite among billions of people around the world as the frozen sweet treat acquires unique characteristics in every culture it takes part in. As said before, ice cream is definitely, without a doubt, 100% the best food in the world and there is an endless list of reasons why. As for now, only the most significant features of this exquisite dish will be explicitly described in the following statements.
To begin with the obvious, there are undoubtedly millions of different flavors of ice cream and each individual flavor has the ability to leave your mind blown. With so many options to choose from, it’s literally impossible to get bored. There is just no way you can try every single flavor of ice cream so many times that you no longer crave the delightful peace of mind that follows such an immaculate taste. Leading to the next point, there are so many brands of ice cream. To name a few: the classic “Ben and Jerry’s,” “Haagen Dazs,” “Breyers,” and many many more. The vast selection of brands also gives you the ability to take the so-called “healthier” route of enjoying ice cream which includes brands such as “Halo Top” or “Enlightened.” But honestly, why settle for the low calorie, low sugar option when you can go crazy and indulge in Ben and Jerry’s “Americone Dream”?
Besides the endless flavor variety existing within this sweet world, ice cream is a shapeshifter! Everywhere you go you will find a new form of ice cream that may or may not be completely foreign to you. Just skimming the top of the list of ice cream forms include: Dippin’ Dots, mochi, fried ice cream, ice cream pops, milkshakes, rolled ice cream, gelato, ice cream cake, and classic ice cream. And guess what! You can even put ice cream in the microwave if you want some soup! Although this tactic isn’t the most popular, it certainly hits the spot.
Believe it or not, but ice cream can be purchased pretty much anywhere. Obviously, you can make your life easy and head over to the grocery store to buy some ice cream or you can be adventurous and try a new method. Unfortunately for us islanders some of these methods for securing ice cream may not be as accessible, but a day-trip to the Cape never hurt anybody. These methods of obtaining ice cream include: gas stations, ice cream parlors, some cafes, fast food restaurants, fast food drive-thrus, vending machines, and carnivals. Fried dough could never. But the one way of getting ice cream that dominates all others is the ice cream truck. Let’s be honest, when you hear that catchy jingle, it is game over. There is no way you can resist the temptation to get ice cream from a cute little truck!
Similar to the way negative feedback loops work in the environment and throughout biological processes, ice cream can regulate your body temperature. While this isn’t a scientifically proved theory, it is something I have supported personally. Imagine it is a hot summer day and you can feel the beads of sweat forming on your skin. All you want is a nice, cold scoop of ice cream that sits ever so delicately upon a glorious waffle cone. So, you go and buy one. The moment you take a lick of the ice cream – because we don’t bite ice cream around here – you immediately begin to cool down. You no longer drown in your own perspiration and instead, you sit on a shaded bench quietly enjoying the delectable mound of frozen dairy as those around you without ice cream continue to struggle.
On the other hand, ice cream works almost in the exact same way except it does so with a little bit more manipulation from the mind. Now picture yourself tumbling inside through the front door of your house after building a miraculous snowman outside in the February blizzard. You are frozen. Maybe you even have a little bit of frostbite on your pinky finger but you don’t care because all you can think about is the french vanilla Haagen Dazs ice cream that waits for your attention in the freezer. You forcefully pull off your snow boots and unzip your jacket, throwing it and some ice chunks onto the newly vacuumed floor. Racing over to the freezer, you grasp your hand around the handle and swing it open to unveil the heavenly Haagen Dazs carton. Of course, french vanilla ice cream is never complete without crushed Oreos. Anyways, you can’t tell me that once you take a bite – not with your front teeth – of that ice cream, the sensation of warm and fuzzy doesn’t just overwhelm you. You can’t because I have proved it. Therefore, it does.
In relation to ice cream’s climate versatility, you can eat ice cream at any time of the day. Maybe one morning you are craving something sweet for breakfast, eat ice cream. Maybe you are on your lunch break from remote learning and you really don’t want another grilled cheese, eat ice cream. Maybe you need an afternoon snack while you trudge through your homework, eat that ice cream. And finally, maybe your mom made meatloaf for dinner and you really can’t handle more meatloaf, eat ice cream. Truly, it solves all your problems.
In these final moments available to make you aware of ice cream’s incredible character, I shall leave you with some of its best qualities. Ice cream is the most loyal and trustworthy friend or partner you will ever have. Without legs, ice cream doesn’t have the ability to abandon you or run off with someone else while you sit on your couch contemplating what went wrong. If you happen to be in that situation, sitting on your couch contemplating, get some ice cream. After all, ice cream has been scientifically proven to help you feel better when you’re sad. Ice cream won’t break your heart, but it sure will mend it. Furthermore, ice cream will never judge you. It doesn’t even matter what flavor you tend to prefer because all ice cream is ice cream and will view you as the amazing human being you are, despite all the nonexistent flaws you think you have. Bonds are formed over ice cream. When you make eye contact with the person you know ordered the same ice cream flavor as you, there is no doubt you will be best friends in a matter of seconds. It is just the way the world works. Lastly, ice cream has a really big heart. And with this big heart, ice cream will love you unconditionally. Yes, even if it is salty salted caramel.
In conclusion, I rest my case. Ice cream is both officially yet unofficially the best food in the world and every day should be National Ice Cream Day.